I am the youngest in a family of three children, the only girl and the apple of my father’s eyes. My dad is a doting father who loved me unconditionally. Growing up, he used to bring me on weekly dates with my mom. He took us to parks and zoos. We even watched the animated shows in COD during Christmas in Araneta. At times, my brother James and I joined him on his trips to fishponds in Luzon, for consultancy work. My dad was a Professor in the College of Fisheries, University of the Philippines, Diliman. When I was little, he brought me to school and took me to his office in the afternoons.
One of the best vacations I have had was when we went home to the Philippines in December 2018. I went home to Iloilo and stayed with my parents for a few weeks. We even stayed overnight at Damires Hills in Janiuay, where there were a lot of things to see and explore. My Dad (at 83 years old), my brother Sonny and his daughter Tal, even went ziplining. There was an eternity pool where we enjoyed swimming after a buffet breakfast and we were all truly ecstatic.
I went home to the Philippines for a longer vacation in April 2019, to spend more time with my children. My daughter Natasha and I went home to Iloilo. While my son Ulrick, did not join us immediately because he still had work.
My dad complained he had amoebiasis and he had some issues with his kidneys. We were urging him to see the doctor again for a checkup. The doctor insisted that he go to Iloilo city to see a specialist because the antibiotics were not working, and my dad was self-medicating. Natasha had an impending sense that something was really amiss, but she did not want us to worry unnecessarily.
A week before we were scheduled to go back to Manila, my dad finally agreed to have a checkup and we found out he had colon cancer. There was a big mass obstructing 90-95 percent of his bowels.
Thankfully, we were able to complete the pre-operation procedures and he was scheduled for operation on my birthday, June 4.
The surgery went well, a part of his intestine was cut off to remove the mass. The doctor was hopeful that after six months, he will be able to reattach the intestines together.
Unfortunately, there were postoperative complications and my dad was hospitalized for two months and a half. Our resources were depleted. Even my savings for retirement was used up. And my dad was bedridden for a year, four months and a week.
We wanted to go home in June 2020. I promised my dad I would be back when I came to visit them in December 2019, but that was the last time I hugged my dad.
My father Pepito passed away on October 12, 2020. A week after, Bagyong Pepito passed the Philippines when my dad was laid to rest in Mt Zion.
Even when dad was gone, we still had regular zoom meets with mom and my son Ulrick told her she would live to be a hundred years old, to which he laughed heartily.
Mom was able to attend Natasha and Brian’s wedding via zoom in February 2021. We were unable to celebrate with my daughter because of the strict protocols. We were unvaccinated and had comorbidities. The pandemic changed our lives drastically. We were no longer able to meet with families – even during important life and death situations.
My mom passed away on March 20, 2021, just 5 months and eight days after my dad left. My brother Sonny said they were still bickering about taking her meds the night before, and she just never woke up that morning. Though it was difficult, it was for the best that she did not suffer long. My mom would talk to dad even when he was gone and told him she would soon follow him.
Until now, we were unable to go home. I had to go about my tasks, teach, and meet with my students via zoom. Like the previous semester, I had to forego grieving, since I needed to focus on my job. I had to be strong for the children, who also considered my parents as their own. It was a very difficult time.
“Those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not be weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31)
I cannot begin to describe the pain of loss and longing – for a time, my life stood still and I was reminded of my youth – when I was badly beaten, with a baby and with another child on the way, and my dad with wide, open arms, smiled at me. There was no accusation, no reproach, no lecture, just a loving father who smiled and welcomed me home.
In a dream, I saw mom and dad in a field of yellow flowers, chasing the dogs, playing in a field of endless sunshine, mountains afar off, with clear blue skies above, and love everlasting filled my heart.
I felt enveloped in God’s everlasting embrace; there is no more pain and sorrow. Mom and dad are in the Father’s loving arms. I will see them again someday and we will praise God together in heaven.
