This pandemic period plunged me into a lot of making and unmaking, doing and undoing. I used to be alone and that was fine. Then the Covid19 progressed unexpectedly and lengthily it has changed alone to spell lonely. Eight years in Oman getting through the life of a teacher in a university, alone in a flat, eating by yourself, staring at the horizon of the winding Al Amerat were ordinary beautiful occurrences. Suddenly I realized it felt lonely eating alone, coursing through the same things alone, isolated from the rest like everyone else, and talking to your family you longed to be with during semestral break…virtually. A constant question from my 87-year old Mom is “When are you coming home?” It was easy to explain at first as there was a reason. But to keep repeating the same answer must be a heart-piercing thing to a mother who only wants to see her children in her twilight years. You put down your phone feeling lonelier, missing mom and home.
With Covid-19, our relationships have become virtual. We have started living life together apart. We have changed our views of health and wellness. We have altered the rituals of death and dying. I lost my sister August 4 this year and if there is such a thing as grieving online, I had it. I went through the whole ritual of vigils and the funeral, seeing a sibling laid to her final rest with a screen that pans and zooms—a similar experience with some of you who lost a kin or a loved one during these times.
And then looms anxiety. Anxiety strikes everyone–mindless of race, religion, culture or faith. Like anyone, I am not spared from the pangs that persist to present a bleak picture of uncertainty. What if? No less than the CDC dedicated an entire subpage to managing COVID-19 stress. This must have been a response to the growing number of clinical anxieties and stress over the pandemic.
For a non-Christian, hope can be painful as the source of hope can diminish and disappoint in time. But I am a Christian so how am I supposed to view all these? After assessing my relationship to Jesus, I finally decided to drop Anxiety202 and registered into Hope101 in the Covid19 curriculum. It is an irony that I engage myself in what a Christian needs to do and practice yet continue to be anxious and worried. Such a sad state of failing to trust the One I pray to, sing for, and devote to. Unaware, too, of my own misgiving as even the Bible says it is a sin to worry. I found a timely rebuke in Luke 12:25 which says, “And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?” and in 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
So why did I fail the Stress Management course I registered in? I found the answer quite easily: I was focused somewhere else and reading something otherwise. I allowed anxiety to rule the day. Maybe my only consolation is that I am not alone in this experience but ruling it out should remove me from the statistics. Same thing I encourage everyone to do. Let’s not be part of the growing chart of anxiety and mental health deficiency. We have a GOD who is spelled HOPE when hopelessness strikes.
Never in the history, that you and I may have read, is peace so elusive and anxiousness as pervasive as now. Anxiety and Depression Association in America reports 6.8 million adults having generalized anxiety with 6 million adults experiencing panic disorders (ADAA, 2021). Chances are, you or someone you know seriously struggles with anxiety. So let us stop anxiety ruling the day. Jesus has overcome death. Why would he not reign over anxiety? Believing otherwise would make us similar to a pagan who seeks a god elsewhere.
I am still alone-customary and all- but this time no longer anxious or peaceless. I have God’s words that remind me in thousand affirmations how He takes care of me, as much as He does for you.
I was not successful with the course on stress management I enrolled in this stage in history as I was focused elsewhere. I am most certain, however, with Philippians 4:13, that I will hurdle Hope101 through this pandemic semester and complete the curriculum with a grade of C+– not Covid positive– but Christ plus.
